Last Sunday, we were invited to our dear friends Andrew and Ashley's church to share about what we're going through with the girls. Andrew was preaching on the verses above, and gave an incredibly challenging message about being thankful in all circumstances, because of who God is, not because of what He's doing for us. During part of his message, he mentioned that although we might have really great plans and intentions for what should happen in our lives or in other people's lives, they are ultimately not OUR intentions, but God's. That totally made me think of our own situation and how time and time again we are being reminded of how great of a God we serve, despite our circumstances. We don't worship and follow Him only in the good times when everything is going perfectly, but we need to do this ESPECIALLY in the hard times, because of who He is, and that should be enough for us.
Andrew had asked us to briefly share our story, which Jordan did, because I knew I probably wouldn't make it through without crying. I had to choke back the tears anyway, not simply because it was hard to relive everything we've gone through the past few months, but because of the incredible, supportive husband that the Lord has given me. He loves me and our girls so much, but ultimately he loves the Lord, and that is the most amazing blessing a woman can have in her husband. Because of his love for the Lord, I know that he wants what the Lord wants for us, and he will put that above everything else. I don't know what I would do without his support and leadership for our family. I can't wait to be a parent with him, and to see him teach our girls how to live lives that glorify the Lord.
After he shared, Andrew and Ashley asked us each a few different questions. It was such a blessing for us to be able to share in the midst of our trial, and I feel like it holds us accountable in a way. To never stop praying, trusting, and believing that the Lord is good no matter what our outcome is. So many people came up to us afterwards and shared their own stories and words of encouragement, and told us that they would be praying for our family.
26 1/2 weeks
We've had 2 different doctors appointments since I last wrote, and so far nothing much has changed, which is as much of a blessing as it is nerve wracking. Today during our ultrasound, they did the doppler readings (basically it's how they see the blood flow going from the babies to the placenta) and the one for baby A (the bigger one) looked fine. They measure "fine" based on a constant, consistent flow of blood going from the placenta to the baby. In our case, the problem is that Baby B's doppler readings are sometimes absent, meaning she is not getting far enough from the placenta as she should, and this was the case today. I had a pit in my stomach as I watched the screen, knowing just what we were looking at. The doctor said that although this isn't great, it isn't the worst case scenario quite yet. Worst case scenario is when there is reverse blood flow, meaning B is pumping her blood back to the placenta, and that is REALLY bad....when they would consider delivering right away. He said that our next goal is for me to make it to 28 weeks, and then to 32. We are praying wholeheartedly that they make it until 32 weeks, as it will be a better chance of survival for them both. But as we've kept saying, the Lord knows best and he knows just when they will come, so we are trusting in that.